50 SHADES OF KAITSUNE(ME)
By this: blog.esaba.com/projects/facts/… (I saw the link on profile)
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Kaitsune."
Kaitsune can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Kaitsune doesn't shower, she only takes blood baths.
The last digit of pi is Kaitsune. She is the end of all things.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Kaitsune fight.
Kaitsune invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink.
Kaitsune does not know where you live, but she knows where you will die.
When Kaitsune breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.
Kaitsune is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
The only time Kaitsune was wrong was when she thought she had made a mistake.
Police label anyone attacking Kaitsune as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
The chief export of Kaitsune is Pain.
Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Kaitsune thrives on pain. Kaitsune then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
James Cameron wanted Kaitsune to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Kaitsune doesn't read books. She stares them down until she gets the information she wants.
On her birthday, Kaitsune randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Kaitsune.
Staring at Kaitsune for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.
Most boots are made for walkin'. Kaitsune's boots ain't that merciful.
It's widely believed that Jesus was Kaitsune's stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Kaitsune's skin.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Kaitsune pajamas.
Kaitsune CAN believe it's not butter.
Google won't search for Kaitsune because it knows you don't find Kaitsune, she finds you.
Guns don't kill people. Kaitsune kills People.
Ghosts are actually caused by Kaitsune killing people faster than Death can process them.
Kaitsune can divide by zero.
Kaitsune once participated in the running of the bulls. She walked.
Most people fear the Reaper. Kaitsune considers him "a promising Rookie".
Kaitsune never retreats, she just attacks in the opposite direction.
Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Kaitsune has 72... and they're all poisonous.
Kaitsune has to register every part of her body as a separate lethal weapon. Her spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
Kaitsune counted to infinity - twice.
The speed of light was instituted because Kaitsune didn't want get winded outrunning it. Kaitsune hates to sweat.
Kaitsune once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made her blink.
When Kaitsune goes to Vegas, she doesn't have to gamble. The casinos just give her stacks of money.
Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Kaitsune touches turns up dead.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Kaitsune played in second grade.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Kaitsune's fist.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Kaitsune allows to live.
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Kaitsune will beat his ass and take it.
Kaitsune once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Kaitsune once shot down a German fighter plane with her finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Thousands of years ago Kaitsune came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Kaitsune while she was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Kaitsune walks.
If Kaitsune wants your opinion, she'll beat it into you.
Kaitsune doesn't daydream. She is too busy giving other people nightmares.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Kaitsune.
According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Kaitsune created God by snapping her fingers.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Kaitsune.